Today, I'm thrilled to be hosting Tarana Khan as a guest blogger on The Muddle-Headed Mamma. Tarana is an expat from India who now lives in Dubai where she writes her blog, Sand in my Toes. She is the mother of a three-year-old boy and her guest post is an insight into the life lessons she aspires to teach her son. I loved reading Tarana's list of Six things I'd want my son to know - it's full of wisdom, integrity and conviction and is written in the gentle but confident voice that characterises Tarana's writing and draws me to her work.
It's not rarely that I wonder how my son will be as a grown up. I wonder what kind of man he will be, and what women will think of him. Will he be sensitive in his relationships? I wonder what kind of friend he will be. Will he be a sincere and trustworthy buddy? I really don't know. And even if I make a little effort every day to teach him a few life lessons, I cannot predict how he will turn out as an adult. It is my belief that people are born with a certain type of personality, which remains the same whether they are children or adults - except under unusual or unexpected circumstances. So I wonder. If there are some things I could tell him when he was much older, what would they be?
These are the six things I would like to tell him:
1. There's only one momI'm not being a possessive mother by saying this, or being jealous of future girlfriends. I just don't want him to expect any other woman to 'mother' him. There is a trait common in first-born kids, especially boys - they are pampered by their moms, and feel that they should be treated that way by every woman they form a relationship with. I'm not going to stop pampering him for sure, but I'd like him to know that no other woman will put up with tantrums, or pay such close attention to his wants, forgetting her own.
2. Respect men and women alikeYes, women should be respected. But I don't want my son to grow up thinking that there is an inherent difference between men and women that we feel the need to emphasise respecting women. Respect should be given when it is deserved, whether it is towards men or women. I hope there is an improvement in gender equality in future, and women shouldn't have to ask for special treatment to be treated as equals, as they have to now.
3. You can't always winWith men, there is always so much focus on winning, and everything becomes a conquest or a race. I would like my son to know that he may not always 'win', but that he will always emerge stronger and richer in experience from putting all his effort into a project, or in dealing with one of life's many challenges.
4. Be honest in every relationshipWhether it's with a friend, a partner, or a co-worker, honesty is one quality I appreciate most in a human being. I hope my son realises the value of being true to himself and towards others. Life is automatically less complicated by being sincere in our interactions.
5. Choose to be happyChoose happiness over material things, I'd like to tell him. In an age where things can appear unrealistic on social media, I hope he follows his heart, and doesn't worry about what his life 'appears' like to others, and how many possessions he has. There are many more rewards in life than the materialistic ones.
6. Be sensitive, but not foolishOf course, I want him to be sensitive to others' feelings. But I wouldn't want him to discount his own. I hope no one takes advantage of his sincerity and kindness. I'd like for him to be trusting, but also keep his eyes open.
My son is only three, but nothing will stop me from thinking about the good human being I want him to grow up to be. I want him to know all these things, even when he's stopped hearing my voice.